小学生的遗书 / Elementary School Student's Testament

There is a widely distributed "will" written by a Chinese elementary student facing a big storm. The authenticity of this will is hard to determine but even if it's a fiction, it still constitute a good read - hilarious and heart tagging.

Below is the Chinese text and the English translation follows:

有一個廣泛流传的一个面臨的一個大風暴的小學生的“遗书”。遗书的真實性很難確定，但即使它是小說，它仍是一個良好的讀物 - 很好笑也很让人心酸。

下面是中文原文，英文翻譯随后：

今天乌云压压狂风暴雨倾盆大雨，天上打着雷，一只小鸟都看不到，小树要也弯下了腰。河流变成了大河流，水都流到我 们家院子里了。爸爸的摩托车也被水淹没了~到处都是水，很多大人在外面排水。听大人们说，这次发大水，是100年才能遇到一次的，听说山峡大坝都放水了， 我很害怕，我不会游泳，我怕我会被大水冲走，爸爸妈妈我很舍不得你们，虽然以前我不听话，你们经常打我。

我的床上席子下有2张100块的钞票，上次去看望外婆的时候，她偷偷塞给我的，让我不要让妈妈知道，如果我被大水冲走了，就捐给我们学校手牵手希望小学的同学们吧。

上次数考试赵子刚最后那道选择题是我故意告诉他选D，其实我知道正确答案，我选的是A。就因为那次他的MP3有周杰伦的新歌，他不传给我。

我喜欢副班长，不知道算不算老师说的早熟，我喜欢让她帮我背英语单词。

如果我被大水冲跑了，我的QQ宠物要记得一定要喂饱，给它吃圈圈冰淇林就可以了，我的元宝不多了。我玩的蛮荒游戏马上满级了，让赵子刚帮我练满级 吧，希望他不要上次考试我将错误答案告诉他，因此恨我，还有不要上语音，游戏里的老婆不知道我是小学生。还有植物大战僵尸最后3关的通关秘籍在电脑的F盘 里。

张老师，上次期中考试的考卷家长签名是我找表哥签的，计算机教室讲台上那只鼠标也是我搞坏的，我不是故意的。

隔壁孙爷爷家的花盆里，丢满了我不喜欢吃的鸡蛋黄，每次我只吃蛋白，蛋黄全丢在孙爷的花盆里。仙人掌上的那个洞也是我做实验用笔捅的，孙爷我再也不这样了。如果大水没把我冲走，我给买个仙人球。

Today, dark clouds are heavy and it is very storm and the rain poured down. There are many thunders and no birds could be seen, even trees bend their waists. River turns into a large river, and the water flow into our courtyard. Dad's motorcycle is also under water ~ water everywhere, and many adults in the outside are trying to drain the water. According to the grown-ups, this kind of storm only occurs once in 100 years. I heard that even Three Gorge Dam was releasing waters to the downstream. I am afraid I might be swept away, since I could not swim. Dad and Mom, I am very reluctant to leave you, though in the past I did not heed you therefore you always beat me.

Under my bed mats there are two 100 Yuan bills, they were from grandma, when I last visited her she sneaked them to me, and told me not to let my mother know. If I were washed away, please donate it to our school's Hope School partner to help the kids there.

During last math test, I intentionally told Zhao Zigang that the answer to the last multiple-choice was D, in fact, I know the right answer, I chose A. Because he had Jay Chou's new song on his MP3 player but he wouldn't pass it to me.

I like deputy head of our class - I don't not know if that was what the teacher called precocity or not. I like it when she helped me with English vocabularies.

If I were swept away by the flood, remember to feed my pet on QQ - just ice-cream circle would be sufficient since my ingot is running out. I'll advance to a new level in the "Wild" game immediately, and let Zhao Zigang practice and help me to advance, hoping that he will not hate me for telling him the wrong answer in the last exam. In addition, don't go on "Voice" since my wife in that game didn't know that I was an elementary school student. The cheating secrete for the last three hurdles in the "Zombie and Plant Fighting Off" game is stored in F drive of the computer.

Teacher Zhang, after last midterm exam, my parent's signature was signed by my cousin and it was I who broke the mouse of the computer on the classroom podium but I did not mean to.

The flowers pots of Grandfather Sun next door are full of egg yolks I threw there, since I don't like them. I only eat egg white and I throw egg yolks into Grandfather Sun's flower pots. The hole on the cactus was my experimenting with a pen, and tell Grandpa Sun that I would not do it no more. If the flood did not wash me away, I'll buy him a cactus.

Dirge © Matthew Felix Sun
www.matthewfelixsun.com